Once you know why you want to talk about your voices, it can be helpful to think of who you could talk with to achieve your aim. Depending on what your needs are, this could be a close family member, partner or friend; an employer, teacher or tutor; or a GP or mental health professional.

When thinking of someone to talk with, it can be it useful to consider each possible person and think about what might make them a good (or not so good) person to talk with.  Some questions you might consider:

• Are they trustworthy?
• Have they been supportive in the past?
• Have you seen them support others?
• Are they empathetic and a good listener?
• Do you find them easy to talk with?
• Are they good at finding practical solutions?

Different people in your network will have different strengths and skills. Many voice-hearers vary the level of disclosure – how much they choose to share and what they say  – depending on their relationship with the person and what they need.

If you’re feeling unsure about who to talk to, or you’re worried there isn’t anyone in your life you could talk with about your voices, it might be helpful to contact a support service such as the Samaritans, or a counsellor or psychotherapist.

Many people find joining a Hearing Voices Group helpful, as it provides an opportunity to connect with others who have similar experiences.

You might also consider joining an online forum designed for voice-hearers, such as the Hearing Voices Network for England’s online forum for adults, or Voice Collective’s online forum for young people up to the age of 25.

If you feel judged, don’t keep talking to that person. Choose safe people – open minded, kind people.
Paige*

I have found it helpful to talk to my parents, but most helpful was attending a hearing voices group. Going to the group being able to say something which was normal to me as a voice-hearer, and the other group members will also see it as normal. If I told friends there would be shocked responses.
Emily*

If you know who you want to talk with and why you want to open up, deciding what you want to say is the next step.

‘Selective disclosure’ is when a person actively chooses how much to share about their experiences, their tone of voice and what words they use, depending on the situation and the person they’re talking with. It can be a good idea to ‘test the water’, checking out someone’s responses before going further.

Remember that you get to choose what you say and don’t say about your experiences, even when the conversation has already started. You can say ‘no’, ‘I’d rather not talk about that right now’, ‘can we come back to that?’ or ‘this is getting a bit intense for me, let’s talk about something else’. It’s OK to change the subject, postpone or end the conversation if you start to feel anxious or uncomfortable.

Learn more about how to decide what’s okay to share here.

Many people find that the risk of a negative reaction from others is reduced if they talk in a normalising way about their voices – using facts, figures and examples to illustrate just how common hearing voices really is, or explaining how the association with mental illness doesn’t reflect every voice-hearer’s experience. Sometimes using examples of experiences that are similar to voices can help someone understand what it means. This might include having a conversation when the radio is on, talking to a friend when your children are running around, screaming, arguing and causing chaos, or trying to work in a shared office.

I talk about it as a spectrum of experience – everyone has some experience on this spectrum, but not all are equally loud or developed.
Matthew*

I always emphasise that there are loads of people out there that have these experiences. It’s just not talked about in everyday life, so people think it’s this really horrible secret that if it’s known will infect everyone. If we don’t start to talk about it more it’ll remain this awful stigmatising situation.
Lilly*

Have you discovered any books, articles or films which address some of the stigma attached to voice-hearing that could do some of the work for you?

If you’d like to bring information to your conversations, or ask people to read something before you talk with them, here are some suggestions:

• What is hearing voices?
• A spectrum of experience 
• Hearing the Voice: FAQs

Thinking carefully in advance about the language you’re going to use to talk about voices might also be helpful. Some people use the term ‘hearing voices’, others prefer ‘hallucinations’ or ‘hearing things’. Others talk about having people inside them, their subconscious getting carried away, being telepathic or being able to hear things that other people can’t. Sometimes it’s useful to think about what words you want to use when disclosing the experience to someone new – balancing what you feel comfortable saying and what you think the person is able to hear.

Remember that you don’t have to talk to someone initially if you find it hard to speak.  Some people choose to write down what they want to say and give it to the person. Other people bring an article that’s relevant and say ‘I have that’ as an opener. Others take an artwork with them and use that as a starting point.

Think carefully about how you describe your experiences to others. I find ‘loud thoughts’ can be more palatable to the easily squeamish.
Siobhan*

 Using phrases like ‘hearing voices’ is much easier for me and other people to engage in. Not medicalised words like ‘psychosis’.
Graham*

Even if the conversation goes well, talking about voices can feel like a big thing – especially if you’re speaking out for the first time or are telling someone who is important to you. If you can, set aside some time to do something that usually helps when you’re stressed out. Having a back up plan of what you can do if things don’t go well can be a lifeline.

If talking with someone has made your voices more disruptive or left you feeling distressed, you may wish to try one of the safety strategies here. If you find yourself in a crisis, you can call emergency services on 999, a listening service like The Samaritans, or follow the suggestions here.